Spiral Crone
What goes around, comes around.

I got started on this particular rumination recently when I went over the questions in the Caring Conversations booklet about "how do you want to be remembered?" I recalled that as an exercise in the first hospice I worked with, we wrote our own obituaries, eulogies, and epitaphs. This made it possible to go forward in life with ideas about our legacies, and encouraged at least some of us to strive to live up to the projected summaries.

My reaction to the question at this point in my life was that it was kind of late to be worrying about it by now. Not only do I have less time to fulfill the dreams and wishes I might have or have had, influencing people with regard to how they will remember me is not so likely at this point. Even if I live for a long time yet, I have already established myself in the minds of most of the people who are likely to remember me at all.

Today I learned that a friend who had ovarian cancer for several years finally succumbed to her illness last week. Although we had limited contact throughout our relationship, it was over several decades, and each episode was meaningful. I am experiencing a feeling today that a cherished friend once called "existential vertigo". I feel sort of dizzy, and my thoughts keep going back to the fact that she is Really Gone.

One of the things that I have done to comfort myself is to contact other friends. I was very direct with one friend about what had happened and how I felt, and he was very supportive. But another friend made me feel much better without my even having to ask for comfort.
Last week I had mailed something to her that I thought would be of interest. Today she emailed with her appreciation, not just for the information I had sent, but for being her friend.

So. One moral to this story: build the foundation of friendships early and well. When you need them, they'll be there for you. If you wait until you need somebody, it will be too late.

I am very fortunate in that I have good friends, and I have given and received comfort and joy from them. They are my legacy, and they will remember me as they will.

A second moral here: don't wait to tell someone that you love them. It will help nurture the relationship, and you might not have another chance. Working in hospice and in the emergency room proved to me over and over again: Ya never know.

Bright Blessings,
Spiral Crone

Permalink posted by Spiral Crone -- 10:59 AM.

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